Holy $%@, I’m a Mom!

Whether it be the battle between mother and crib sheet, sleep deprivation or the current state of my breasts, it seems I always blog about the challenges of motherhood.  Despite the never-ending list of challenges that comes with the territory, there is so much more to being a mommy.

Lots of people talk about the power of motherly love but until I became a mom, there was no real way for me to even comprehend the emotions and feelings that come with having a child.  I would describe it as the purest form of unconditional love you will ever experience.

First of all, I look down at my little one and cannot believe he was created by me and my husband…to be able to see our physical features combined on a miniature human being is completely surreal. Second, I think back to how I grew him inside of me for 9 months, following his growth from embryo to baby and was able to watch his newborn movements and recall what they felt like from the inside. This experience and the anticipation of his arrival was the kick-start to these tremendous feelings of love.

My husband often says, “I had no idea it was possible to love anyone more than I love you until Chase came along”  Awwwww…. isn’t that sweet? *BARF!!*  No seriously… he captures the power of love perfectly with this statement. Are you ready for this? Queue the sappy background music. I would describe the love I feel for Chase as infatuation.  The world stops turning as I watch him master a new skill, my life lights up when I see him smile, I take a gazillion pictures of him doing the exact same thing, I send a gazillion pictures of him doing the exact same thing to everyone I know, I think its gosh darn adorable when he drags himself through piles of spit up creating a slime trail on my freshly mopped floor, and even when covered in poop, drool and boogers he is the most handsome boy I ever did see! That my friends, is infatuation.

Even on his cranky days when I count down the minutes until nap time, I find myself reveling in his very existence from the time he is asleep until the time wakes up.  I call my husband to recount his entire day, watch videos of him, send and post pictures of him and write about him on this blog.  Then when he goes to bed at night, the first hour is spent appreciating the peace and quiet but soon I begin to miss him.  I think about how he cups my face with his hands, I picture him coming straight at my face for a wide-mouthed drooley kiss, I remember the smell of his hair and can almost hear the sweet sounds of content that he makes while sucking on his sock monkey.  Stephen is just as bad…he often says, “Awww…I want to just go in his room and watch him sleep”  Okay, that sounds creepy but it’s just another example of infatuation.  After doing this a few times I instituted a “you wake ’em, you take ’em rule”  He stopped pretty quickly.

I often find myself thinking about what it must be like for Chase as a new person discovering the world.   I put myself in his Robeez, so to speak.

This week as he sat in his new car seat, which sits much higher than his old infant carrier, he was enjoying the sights of the city as we took a drive to the mall.  It dawned on me that everything he is looking at through the window is a brand new image to him.  It would have been his first time seeing a traffic light, the roads and buildings, the man riding his bike beside our car.  I related this to a blind man suddenly having the ability to see.  I was suddenly very excited for Chase and couldn’t take my eyes off the rear view mirror, watching him soak it all in.  What’s even more exciting is thinking about how I get to influence and witness all of these new life experiences from the very simple things like tasting new foods, exploring objects in the house to learning life skills, values and lessons.  Yes, I am a mother now and I love it!